When I look into my phone book, I see no one that I can depend on. This poses a problem because while I have my family and closest friends stored in my phone, I don't know if any of them can show legitimate concern for me. My parents are almost socially disengaged altogether, (due to internal, deep-seated issues), my brother is inconsistent and shows signs of utter insensitivity, and my friends are not mature enough to take on my problems, even if it means to just listen.
I, the master of delivering low-blows, have been verbally abusing people for years, but even I know when enough is enough. I usually stay parallel to a line that I rarely cross, with exceptions for people who push me into a corner and leave me no choice. However, my family does this very often to me, at times where it's inappropriate and simply uncalled for.
I've tried to not fight aggression with more aggression, but it's like walking uphill with one leg -- it's just not going to happen. Maybe one day I'll be able to resort to taking a breather and walking away from confrontation, but for now, exploding into a fit of rage is the only thing that seems to keep me from teetering into an even less emotionally unstable state. Oh well.
1 comment:
<3
Your comment made my day, I wish we hadn't lost touch, it was really nice talking to someone with intellect!
As for this post, I'm thinking you just need a break from your own life. Go somewhere unrecognizable, alone. Somewhere you can breathe easy and figure your shit out, life is hard and it's always relentless so just get away for a little while. Just don't become a void, even your rage keeps you human so just try and learn a new step of feeling. I hope things get better, keep your head up boy!
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